


Technically

by smokeandjollyranchers



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Gen, it's so easy to love jester you guys, jester introspection, shitty crushes that don't make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 05:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16804456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokeandjollyranchers/pseuds/smokeandjollyranchers
Summary: The Traveler always tells her to keep an eye on things, and now she's noticing things about Fjord and Caleb she didn't before.Fjord/Jester and Caleb/Jester because they're both SO COMPELLING





	Technically

Jester hears Fjord’s genuine laughter as she and Beau pull a fight club in the middle of the Gentleman’s hideout. She hears the difference now, the way he laughs is lighter, softer, more like him than the usual chuckles he offers. He’s always so stilted, always so in control of himself, even when everyone is joking around with each other, and it makes her feel happy for whatever reason. So she didn’t technically have to whisper those nasty words in Infernal to cause wounds to break over Beau’s arms, but the shocked laughter and gasps gave her that thrill from the chaos the Traveler taught her to harness, and Fjord’s deep laughter that seems to light a fire in her stomach that is _so_ addicting, it makes it so hard to stop.

But she does, and she laughs and heals Beau up and smiles at everyone, but lets her eyes linger on Fjord’s a little longer than she has to, long enough that he knows she’s staring at him and she’s not being shy about it at all.

He smiles back, and she knows he knows she _knows_ , and it makes her heart flutter a little.

But only a little. Technically

* * *

It’s been a while since she’s actually played piano.

She played it a lot when she was younger, it was a really good way to pass the time her mama had to work. Jester used to like to play with the breeze that came off the sea, seeing if she could make the wind music too, and she came close a couple times, but she stopped playing so much once the Traveler started visiting her. Once she made her friend, magic and pranks and tricks became more fun than playing some stupid piano, but regardless, she sits down at the piano in that bar in Hupperdook, and she cracks her fingers.

Oh no she was nervous.

Her fingers press the first few keys and suddenly she’s flying across the piano, her mind moving a thousand miles an hour, and her fingers following as fast as she can think. She happens to catch Caleb’s gaze and she can see him finishing up some gesture, mumbling slightly to himself. _Ohhhh he made her quick! Like he does with Beau._

Jester throws her head back and _laughs_ , her fingers still slamming away at the keys. It feels like Mania, like insanity, and she keeps playing and playing and playing, and everyone in the bar is watching and she might not necessarily be good but she is loud and right now, that’s basically the same thing. She finishes her song, her maniacal laughter finishing on the same note, and she hears her friends cheer for her at least, and a few patrons too.

Behind her, she feels a tap on her shoulder, and she looks over at the annoyed pianist she stole the bench from. The look on his face could stem from her tiefling blood or from the fact that her pupils are probably blown out like crazy. He snootily asks her to step down, and Jester smiles trying to turn on the charm for this guy.

She’s not super successful with it.

Behind them both, Caleb shuffles up, dropping a gold piece into the tip jar for the pianist. “Loved the song.” He mumbles, his accent thick.

The pianists eyes flash with such a rare flavor of anger, Jester feels that same chaotic surge, and she looks over at Caleb’s retreating form, a new sort of respect for him igniting in her chest. She catches up to him, and she presses a kiss to his cheek. Caleb blinks and Jester beams at him, before heading to find her next little prank, but she does look back in time to Caleb touch his face.

He dances with her later, his feet a few steps off where he should be, but all of Jester’s friends are _druuuuuuuuunkkkk_ , including Caleb. Especially Caleb, based on what he keeps mumbling between them as Jester tries her best to lead him since he’s not very interested in leading her right now.

“You were always a better dancer than me, Astrid.” He whispers this, the name Astrid leaves his lips like a prayer and it almost floors Jester. She knows that he’s so so gone right now and he’s saying stuff he usually wouldn’t and she should probably not let him do that. Usually, she would let him keep going, the Traveler loves a good secret but there’s something… _special_ about the way Caleb says Astrid’s name. Like she’s important. Like she means something to him.

“Come on Caleb, let’s get you to bed.” Jester tells him, shuffling him up towards the stairs that lead up to the rooms they booked that night. Caleb follows along, mumbling about this and that, and nothing really. They stumble through his room, and he snickers, mumbling about the alarm going off in his head. Jester leads him to his bed and he falls backwards on it, heavy as a stone. “Good night Caleb. Thank you for the dance.” She beams at him and he reaches out and grabs her hand, just for a moment, very softly.

“Thank you Astrid.” He mumbles again, his hand gone as quick as it come, and Jester blinks, surprised at the contact. She gets up and leaves him to sleep, closing the door behind her.

She didn’t know Caleb had such a side to him, but now that she’s seen it, it makes perfect sense, really.

She wonders if anyone’s ever looked at her like Caleb looks at Astrid’s Ghost.

* * *

She’s never scared, or she tries not to be, but it’s hard.

Jester’s never been kidnapped before. Which, okay fine, maybe most people haven’t been kidnapped either, but she was so scared. She’s been shaking for days, and she’s not sure if it was from the ice that Lorenzo had nearly killed them with in the Caravan, or if it was from the soul crushing fear that wouldn’t go away. She tries to keep her spirits up, but it’s hard.

She’s never been gagged before. It reminds her of drowning, it reminds her of being erased, of being forgotten. It makes her want to panic, it makes her want to die, but she doesn’t.

She notices she’s not the only one who’s scared. Fjord is chained up next to her and he’s trying to be relaxed but he’s just as scared as she is. So Jester mumbles against her gag, until Fjord looks over at her, and she hums. She hums the first thing that comes to her mind, one of those old sailor songs that her mom sings when the ships come to port. Fjord looks surprised that she knows it, but he nods his head along with her, eyes never leaving hers.

He stares at her, like he’s trying to tell her something.

Like he’s telling her _I’m here with you._

She doesn’t know how to answer him back.

So she hums songs she knows he’ll love, so he has something else to focus on in the dark.

_I’m here with you, too._

* * *

"Oh yes," She tells Nott, a suggestive look on her face. "There was some definite eye contact happening."

"Oooh girl," Nott smiles back at her, relief in her eyes to have Jester back with them. "That's all I need to know."

* * *

They're back in Zadash, back in the Gentleman's lair, back where she feels safe. 

Or where she's supposed to feel safe, everything has been weird since they escaped the Iron Shepherds but she doesn't know _why_ it's been weird, so she doesn't want to say anything. It's easier to just be happy, cuz that's what she always does, and that's going to help everyone else feel okay too. It makes sense, and the Traveler is all about making sure people keep trusting you, never really expecting anything different. It's the right way to do things. 

So she orders her milk, and sits with Nott and Caduceus and laughs while he tries the whiskey and then the milk, and she promises him there's much more cool things to see than just this bar. He seems excited by everything, and his pure joy relaxes her, let's her just listen for a while, just be herself for a little bit. 

Eventually, she notices Fjord, Beau and Caleb sitting at a different table, talking everything over she's sure. Talking about what happened, talking about the Shepherds, talking about...about Molly. 

Tears well up in her eyes and she shakes her head against them. Not now, she doesn't want to deal with this now, not at all. Instead, she runs her hands through her hair really quick and she just starts to dance. Jester dances even though she's pretty sure there isn't any music but at the moment, it doesn't even matter. She needs just this moment to settle into her own head and not think about how scary it was, or how bad all of it hurt, or the fact that Molly died and she wasn't there to heal him. 

When she finally opens her eyes again, she notices her friends starting at her. 

Fjord looks at her, awe in his face, like he can't believe how _strong_ she is, how powerful she is, like she's an unbreakable titan in this world. It makes her want to _be_ that, to be as strong as Fjord thinks she is, to have been completely unaffected by what they went through because it's so much easier that way. 

Caleb looks at her differently, like he _knows_. Like Caleb can tell she's barely holding it together, but he doesn't look disappointed about it, he looks at her like it might be okay for her to do that, like she could break down and he wouldn't blame her for it at all. 

Fjord looks at her like she's a safe space.

Caleb looks at her like he's offering a safe space. 

She turns to join Nott and Caduceus again, because they're both just so happy to be alive, and that's all she can handle at the moment. But before she goes to sleep that night, all she can think about is they way they looked at her. 

It's confusing, but it makes her happy too, technically. 

* * *

Fjord gets to learn who he is.

It’s exciting! Jester is happy to help him find the answers he’s so desperately been looking for. It’s important to him and she knows that, it’s always been something that confuses him, and makes him question himself, and Fjord just wants to know who he is. That’s not too much to ask, but Jester will kind of admit it’s not been super easy on them.

Or her, specifically, _actually_. Mostly her.

And maybe Nott and Caduceus, they aren’t having much fun either.

But she’s been so…conflicted ever since they got on the ship.

She was confused back before they even met Avantika, her stomach was in knots ever since they left Nicodranas, but Fjord had promised her that they would get her back to her home someday, so she could see her mom again. He promised her this over the iridescent glow of the jellyfish and she had believed him so wholeheartedly. Because she does believe him. Fjord has never broken a promise to her, or lied to her, or anything bad!

He just…there was something different about him now, something that seems to be bothering him too.

It’s like…Avantika doesn’t bring out anything good in Fjord, like she only wants to corrupt him, to make him something he’s not. But she’s nervous that maybe she’s only thinking that because of how she feels about Fjord? What if Avantika isn’t doing anything at all, and this is just who Fjord is? Maybe…maybe she never knew who Fjord was, maybe the real Fjord wasn’t who she thought she was…

But Fjord also gave her the air from his lungs to keep her alive when that temple flooded.

He was willing to die for her.

Right? Is that something friends did? Or did he care about her? Why does this make her feel so fucking stupid?

She doesn’t mean to word vomit all of these thoughts to Caleb, and she can tell he wasn’t expecting it either, judging by the way his glass of ale stops before it even reaches his lips. She gives him an apologetic smile, and begins carving a dick into the wood of the table to avoid the awkward silence she’s accidently created.

“I’m sorry.” He tells her, “I’m not actually good with these things.”

“You’ve had a girlfriend before tho!” She reminds him. “Remember, you told me about her, when we were dancing.”

“I…remember everything.”

“So…so you know when someone likes you, when someone genuinely cares about you! You can tell the difference right?” Jester looks up at him, and Caleb leans forward on the table, lowering his voice.

“I could, once, but now? Not so much. Are you worried about Fjord?”

“Always.” She tells him, fighting to keep the smile on her face. “And no, it’s not about _Avan_ tika, or anything-”

“Isn’t it?” Caleb asks her, a worried look on his face as well. “She’s a very crazy woman who cannot be trusted, and she’s pretty much the only thing happening to Fjord right now worth worrying about.”

“I know…I just…”

“You’re right to be worried about Fjord, and it’s okay to worry about…about your friends. I worry about him too. And about you.”

“Me?” She giggles, going back to carving the dick in the table so Caleb can’t look at her face. “Why would you worry about me? I’m totally fine!”

“Ja, ja, I know, except I still worry about you. Because, I care about you, you know? Like how you care about Fjord, you just…you want him to be okay, ja?” Caleb asks her, clearly tripping over what he’s trying to say. Jester pauses for a moment, trying to decipher what he’s trying to say. Caleb clenches his fists, and he looks up at Jester. “I worry about you, because you say _you’re_ fine, just like Fjord says _he’s_ fine. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“Yeah,” She answers him, a little surprised at the way he looks at her. He nods, sitting back in his seat, satisfied with their conversation, but Jester keeps looking at her dick carving, trying to make sure Caleb can’t tell she’s blushing.

When Beau and Nott come back to make a plan, she steals another look at Caleb, wondering if she was crazy, cuz she could’ve sworn the last time she saw him make a face like that was when he was talking to Astrid.

The idea that he was looking at her like _that_ makes the air catch in her lungs again. Like she’s drowning above water, but without the fear.

Fjord comes and sits with him, a few feet away from her and she looks between him, lean, eyes shadowed, and worry lines on his face, but he gives her a genuine smile, then settles into his chair, their friends sitting around him. Then she looks over at Caleb, quiet and contemplative, usually looking out of the corner of his eyes to see what Nott is doing, then Frumpkin, then…her. He makes his rounds and keeps his eye on everyone and listens as they try and plan their escape from this place.

Jester smiles to herself, and makes a note to ask the Traveler what he thinks about all this.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Here’s a bonus chunk that didn’t fit in anywhere:
> 
> Jester chews on the edge of her pen, looking at the Traveler. “So, what do I do when two boys like me?”
> 
> “I don’t understand the question.”
> 
> “I mean, how do I pick?”
> 
> The Traveler looks up from his nails. “Why would you pick?”
> 
> This is my first AO3 posting ever so if the formatting is terrible or anything just let me know!  
> Let me know what you think too! Fjord or Caleb? Or as the Traveler seems to think: Fjord AND Caleb


End file.
